A Clean Slate
I woke up late this morning. No calls waiting for me. No emails I had to respond to. I am still recovering from an incredibly rough flu so I figured it would be another 'lounge-around' day.
I have struggled with depression for a fair portion of my adult life. Shortly after graduating high school I found myself unable to walk and was bedridden for almost 2 full years. I was played with as a guinea pig for multiple different kinds of prescription drugs only to be reduced to a 'teen with a drug addiction' by doctors. I guess I never found my true self again, after that fiasco.
Grabbing some hot tea and taking antibiotics, I made my way to the living room. My family went out for breakfast. I was invited, but the whole strep throat problem isn't allowing me to eat much right now. While sipping my tea, I began scrolling on Facebook only to be bombarded by those 'depressing quote' pages. You know- the one's girls post nonstop when they get out of a relationship? (I do it, too.) Although, one of them really struck me...
My mom used to always tell me 'life can change with a phone call!' Multiple times this year I have already seen that come to fruition. Life seemed absolutely perfect and then BAM. One text, one call, one comment, one---heck I don't know, you get the picture. Life is a magical game. A maze of twists and turns, stumbles and falls, achievement and fate. I zoned out while having these thoughts. My slate is entirely clean. I don't have kids to take care of. I don't have a job taking 60 hours a week away from me. I don't have a significant other telling me what I can or cannot do. I don't have a lot of money but I have ways to make some change on the side. I realized this summer can be all for me. I can go to the athletic club and spend all day at the pool if I want. Walk up and down the tourist areas in town. Go on dates with men I just met. I can do whatever I want.
And to be completely honest,... The thought of doing whatever I want gives me great anxiety. What will I do? I'm not sure yet; as I am still very ill. But I do know one thing. I get cell-phone reception at the pool. I'll be there when life wants to make a new change.