• Melissa Miller

Red Flags

When asking for a sign I always figured it would come to me like Marius, from Les Miserables, on the back of a horse, waving a huge flag.


'Melissa! Watch out! The resistance has begun!' He would shout.

Um. Well, minus the resistance part.

I didn't know the widely discussed 'red flags' would be so minor and easily overlooked. I didn't know I would constantly see and push them aside no matter how much they flew about in the wind. I made excuses for the flags. I stood up for the evil. I made compromises for the flags.

'That's just how he is.'

'He must've misunderstood.'

No. You must not allow the flags to be markers of things you can overlook.


I made the mistake of overlooking the flags in my past relationships. I once heard about the girl a man dated before he met me.

'I'm very straight forward' he began,

'My last date... I met this girl and I could not stand her. So I just told her flat out it's not going to work out. I put some money on the table and just left. I don't waste my time.'

I heard that originally and said 'wow. A guy who is seriously looking for the right girl!' It didn't occur to me just how cruel he was to that girl. If I were eating dinner on a poor date and the guy couldn't even finish dinner with me, I would be devastated.

'What did I do so wrong to make him leave?'

I didn't notice that he couldn't care less about that woman's feelings. I didn't see he cared more about his time then being polite. He could've even faked an emergency phone call for goodness sake! Instead, he told the girl he had no interest in her whatsoever. And left her there.


I was with a different guy, out and about in town, when I received a text my sister's cat died.

'Wow! She couldn't pick up the phone to call you? She just wants to ruin your date. I can't believe she would do that to you.'

I understood where he could've been coming from. If I had been closer to the cat I would've definitely preferred a call. It didn't dawn on me that the appropriate response is 'Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need to go home?'

Another flag I missed.


It is hard to see red flags when your world is shades of yellow, orange, pink, and other warm colors of love. It was described beautifully in the Netflix original show Bojack Horseman.

Bojack Horseman Quote

Sometime's you need to take a step back. Rub your eyes. Listen to your gut. If it felt wrong, there may be good reason behind it. If something doesn't 'sit right' in your mind, talk with a third person and see if these flags are justified. Another pretty face will come along. Don't get caught up believing love can't come back around. Love can be found in all places. Your heart, your soul, what makes you You, is rare. Take care of yourself, because there is only one you.

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